Damaged: I was a Child Victim of Liberal Moral Indoctrination

At this point in my life and especially around tax time i find myself yearning for more money. This tension has increased with the years of my independence and by all accounts in the wider world it seems that it will only increase further. I am chilled by cultural tropes that speak of the honest man being driven to lie and cheat for the money to maintain his family's lifestyle and status, with the cruel emotional necessity to maintain his status within it despite an impossible external financial situation. This trope is so simple, so aweful and entrapping and so often repeated that it seems to me that it must be at least as true as love (and i do believe that there's something behind love, that most common trope).

therefore, i look at my peers in a competitve light and i look at my past and i find that those young people who have set themselves up to pursue money from their early education have a vast advantage over we of the more artistic liberal arts, and i wonder how, when my fascination with things artistic has been worn out and frustrated that I could have been so foolish in the past as to waste my time in studies that are of no use to my current goals.

but this is unfair--i followed my heart, and it should have been up to my guardians to guide me into the correct path.

yet they have followed their hearts their whole lives and desired nothing more for me than that i do the same, i was left to wander through the landscape of knowledge with no compass save the one that shifts with the beating of one's heart.

and not my patrentis specifically but certainly the camp that i cound myself a memeber of prattled on about happyness and integrity and made wealth into a kind of anathma despite the comfortable ammounts that everyone already possesed. i don't like to make loosing bets and i don't like to be a member of a rebellious group that is rewarded with nothing but pain for their rebellion. it is a matter of psychological survival for most members but it is not for me because my psychology has always expected the worst: in democratic capitalism there is one virture respected above all others and that is wealth.